So, I just watched the series finale of Lost, even though I’d only previously seen a few episodes of the show two years ago. For the sake of convenience, here’s a list of things I knew about Lost based on those episodes, articles I had read, and what people had told me:
- On the island, there is a polar bear, a smoke monster, and a random dog running around on the beach
- The people who were on the island before the flight crashed are called the Others
- Female characters’ plotlines tend to revolve around men and child-bearing
- Someone named Jack cries all of the time
- Everyone hates Kate
- Charlie is on heroin, but it’s his brother’s fault
- Somewhere on the island, there is a giant locker full of guns
- Some guy named Desmond wears a blue shirt
- A bunch of people go back in time and technically die before they are born
- There’s something called the Dharma Initiative that has a sinister presence on the island
- One guy won the lottery using a set of numbers that recur throughout the series
Clearly, I had a very strong grasp on what the show is about, so I obviously had to watch all two and a half hours of the series finale. Hey, I’ve sat through the third series of Torchwood, Misfits, and the Doctor Who episode with paper that eats people. Nothing is too ridiculous.
So, here are my reactions from the episode. I was trying to look stuff up on Wikipedia while I was watching, but I can’t say it was very effective. I can only imagine how the people who have watched the entire series must feel. Obviously, there are spoilers.
(9:02:17 PM): Here we go. Airline montage, there’s a dude in scrubs looking at some x-rays
(9:03:21 PM): Whole bunch of bros reflecting on stuff on the island, and also some packages are ominously being loaded onto the airplane.
(9:04:23 PM): Oh look, some guy got a coffin in the mail!
(9:05:58 PM): Wow Desmond you’re so charming, you sure know how to show a lady a good time.
(9:08:46 PM): Okay, so you’re all going to some sort of mystical spot at the center of the island and stating right away that you don’t have a good feeling about this. Way to set up serious expectations.
(9:11:20 PM): Hummer-driving dude, you’re killing the environment. What, are you planning to be hit by some heavy artillery or something?
(9:12:53 PM): Oh, maybe it helps when you’re hauling around unconscious musicians.
(9:16:13 PM): The random dog on the island is one of the few things I already know about this show, apparently he’s named Vincent.
(9:25:38 PM): Look, a touching sonogram scene! Sun is remembering one of their seventy parallel existences on the island!
(9:31:24 PM): Oh cool, more talking about how everyone’s going to die.
(9:35:19 PM): Kayaking party! I was expecting there to be a sea monster or something, but there’s just a pilot floating in the water.
(9:42:56 PM): Well, this is a pleasant stroll through the jungle! The bald guy is actually some sort of incarnation of the smoke monster, right?
(9:49:46 PM): Cool, more people remembering stuff! It’s like time is standing still.
(9:51:14 PM): Where did Ian Somerhalder come from? Is the Hummer so big because it’s full of secrets?
(9:53:09 PM): Oh, now it’s time to rappell down the golden waterfall! I’m guessing John “Smoke Monster” Locke is going to push Jack down there, too.
(10:01:55 PM): How much shorter would this episode be if people didn’t spend so much time dramatically staring at each other?
(10:03:19 PM): Is there a sea monster in this golden pool? Is he going to be attacked by reanimated corpses like in Harry Potter?
(10:05:22 PM): Wait, did he unplug a pathway to the core of the earth or something?
(10:12:31 PM): Okay, Claire’s having a baby. Isn’t this show known for having weird childbirth hangups or something?
(10:17:08 PM): Bro just got crushed by a giant tree! Chaos reigns on the island! The giant rocks falling everywhere are clearly made of styrofoam!
(10:23:33 PM): At least one of these two guys has to fall off of this cliff, which one will it be?
(10:24:51 PM): Wasn’t John Locke already dead? Will he rebond with the earth as the smoke monster?
(10:43:24 PM): Well, that’s some impressive cliff-diving.
(10:56:15 PM): mmm, tasty puddle water
(11:03:44 PM): Brave pilot, your runway is cracking beneath you!
(11:04:16 PM): I still don’t know what the DHARMA Initiative is.
(11:14:08 PM): Wow, look at this scene of redemption and forgiveness outside of a church. John, Ben, nice one.
(11:26:42 PM): Hugs for everyone! Would this be less cheesy if I had watched the show from the beginning?
(11:28:14 PM): A dog is a stabbing victim’s best friend.
(11:31:57 PM): It was all just a dream? That was three hours of my life, I can only imagine how people who watched all six seasons must feel.
ETA: So it wasn’t all just a dream, but hey, I thought the show was all about polar bears and Jack crying.